I’m back!

Happy New Year… I think.

This blog is supposed to tell “short stories of positivity,” but I must admit that it’s been difficult lately. I’m not saying that all is doom and gloom, but I haven’t really been inspired to write. Between being busy with work, grad school, and the whole pandemic, politics, people actually acknowledging issues revolving around race, xenophobia, social determinants of health, etc. …blog writing got pushed down to the bottom of list!

We are seven days into the new year and I want to focus on forgiveness.

I’ve had several conversations with a few people during the year 2020. It brings me such joy that people feel comfortable reaching out to me, and during these very special conversations, I’ve found one particular theme… that theme is self-forgiveness.

Is it terrible that I haven’t written a blog in over a month? No. I think the twenty people who follow me will not chastise. Sure, I could go on and on about why you haven’t heard from me, but why? Sure, I could self-chastise, which would sound pretty funny, “Maryann, what’s wrong with you! You haven’t written in so long! Why are you such a failure!?” …but that sounds ridiculous, right? Just because something sounds ridiculous, doesn’t mean that it doesn’t happen. With this in mind, I’ve decided to forgive myself and not waste energy that I could use to pour good into the world, which in the last few days has become a primary goal for me.

A few people refer to last year’s weight gain as the COVID-19 pounds, but here’s what I have to say about that: FORGIVE YOURSELF. In my reflection over the last year, I am reminded that many people are working from home, some are even homeschooling their children, can’t go to gyms (or maybe don’t feel like it), lost loved ones, homes, jobs and more. So you put on pounds, it’s okay! You have your health and so many things to be grateful for. Even if you are having a hard time coming up with a list, grab yourself an empty piece of paper and just start writing them down. You’ll be astonished! I was. If you want to focus on losing that weight, good for you. If you don’t, forgive yourself another day. I loved you before those 19 pounds and I love you after them.

I can come at you with many more examples, but I think you get the picture. Self-forgiveness is there for you because you deserve it! I find myself saying over and over again that 2020 was not a regular year, and 2021 is following suit. We are living through a pandemic! Just in case you forgot, I had to scream that one out.

On New Year’s Eve, I usually have a pretty simple tradition of sweatpants and watching the television. My favorite part of this tradition is not seeing the crazy people or the drunk people or really any people, but I broke tradition this year and worked in the adult COVID intensive care unit. They need nurses because the numbers are rising again and people are very sick. A colleague said to me, “Helluva place to spend New Years, Mar” but in all honesty, this felt right. I’ve now worked a few adult COVID shifts since 2021 and it would be easy to get bogged down, but instead, I listen to myself. Do I need to gym or be a bum and listen to records and drink tea? Do I need to marathon Great British Bake-Off whilst cataloguing everything I want to make? Do I need to organize this closet or that drawer? No matter which of these happens, I forgive myself!

So, Happy New Year, lovelies! If you need a positive story… I am here for you.