Holding hands and watching movies

“The human capacity for burden is like bamboo – far more flexible than you’d ever believe at first glance.” – Jodi Picoult, My Sister’s Keeper

CONTENT WARNING: This is sad but uplifting.

As a nurse, I’ve been on the fence about writing here on my blog regarding my experiences since this pandemic continues to affect each and all of our lives. For most, it means quarantine, shelter in place. For a great many people, it means loved ones are sick in the hospital. The virus continues to touch more and more people every day in varying ways. Personally, I’ve been working on the adult side of the hospital campus in the COVID ICUs, instead of working my usual job. Let me say that being able to work with my adult colleagues to help ease their burden is exactly where I want to be. That doesn’t mean it’s easy and that doesn’t mean I feel like a hero. I actually wish I were like an octopus and could do eight times more than I am doing already.

Instead of going into details, I would like to share three points from my last few days that brought tears to my eyes. These are the three times that I allowed myself to stop from doing my nursing tasks and feel. If I felt everything I wanted to feel, I wouldn’t have time to be a nurse, but here are three moments that I wanted to share with you, because they are beautiful, sad, amazing and illustrate what is happening right now in the hospitals.

1. I walked to the other side of the unit to search for some supplies and I saw a man dying. The alarms on his monitor were turned off, but I could see his vital signs like heart rate and oxygen saturation dropping. The next thing I noticed hit me right in the feels, the nurses were holding his hand so he wasn’t alone.
2. One of my patient’s family on FaceTime asked if we could hold the iPad closer to her ear so they could do a prayer. They prayed for their mother/sister/daughter and then asked to talk to me. I regained my composure and looked into the screen at a group of people who profusely thanked me for taking care of the light of their lives.
3. Another patient, one who is hopefully on the mend, was on a small amount of sedation, but was breathing on his own with the endotracheal tube still in. Doing this exercises the patient to get ready to take the tube out. This was the first time he had been awake and with it for days. They FaceTimed his wife, and when he saw her and heard her voice, his eyes welled up and you could plainly see the recognition on his face. She told him that he needed to get better so they could hold hands and watch movies.

I share these stories because even in the midst of all this sadness, there is beauty and hope in the world.

Leaving the hospital the other night, I told myself that the team did everything they could for these people. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. As horrible as some of these stories are, I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else but on the front lines fighting this nasty, horrible virus.

Put me in coach, I’m ready.